As a mama of four and a labor and delivery nurse, I know there's a lot to navigate in those early days! I teamed up with Dr. J. Mack Slaughter, aka Dr. Jmack, to chat about supporting your partner, sharing newborn care, and bonding with your baby.
Preparing for life with a newborn?
This read pairs perfectly with Bundle of Joy, Bundle of Chaos: Newborn Care 101
Showing Up for Your Partner and Your Baby
Becoming a parent is a big life change. Between sleepless nights, figuring out your baby's needs, and adjusting to a whole new routine, there's a lot to learn. And while there's so much focus on the new baby, we can't forget about the parent who's recovering from birth, either!
I recently teamed up with Dr. J-Mack Slaughter, aka Dr. Jmack, an emergency medicine physician, content creator, and dad, to talk about those early days of parenthood. We discussed sharing newborn care, supporting your partner, and understanding that bonding with your baby doesn't always happen overnight.
Whether you're a first-time parent, a partner figuring out how to help, or a growing family still finding your footing, here are some things to keep in mind!
1. Your Partner Needs Sleep, Too!
Let's be real: newborn life can mean some seriously interrupted sleep. And when everyone's tired, sharing responsibilities becomes even more important.
Sometimes, one parent ends up taking on most of the baby care, especially when they're the one recovering from birth or breastfeeding. But the birthing parent needs rest, too! Supporting them means figuring out how to share the load instead of leaving them to do it all.
As Dr. Jmack and I discussed, there are ways for partners to help overnight. If the birthing parent is breastfeeding and expressed milk is available, the other parent may be able to handle a feed. And even if they handle the feeding themselves, their partner can take the baby afterward so they can get a little more rest.
As I shared during our conversation, handing my baby over to my husband after a feed gave me another 20–30 minutes of sleep while he settled the baby. Sometimes, those extra few minutes make a difference!
The takeaway? You don't have to do everything the same way, but finding ways to share nighttime responsibilities can help both parents feel more supported.
2. Don't Wait to Be Asked for Help
Here's something worth thinking about: when your partner is already exhausted, asking, “What can I do?” might not always be as helpful as you intend.
Why? Because now they're also responsible for figuring out what needs to be done and explaining it to you.
Instead, try taking the initiative. Notice when the baby needs changing, help settle them, or take care of something around the house without waiting to be asked. You won't always know exactly what to do, and that's okay. Learn as you go!
Being an involved parent isn't about getting everything right from day one. It's about being present, taking responsibility, and working together as a team.
3. Your Partner Deserves Time to Recharge
Having a baby doesn't mean a parent stops being their own person. They still need time to breathe, do something they enjoy, and feel like themselves outside of caring for everyone else.
During our conversation, Dr. Jmack and I talked about making space for the birthing parent to recharge. Maybe it's grabbing a coffee, getting a massage, enjoying a spa day, or spending a little time out of the house.
And yes, leaving the baby can bring up feelings of guilt. But needing a break doesn't mean you love your baby any less!
Partners can help by making that time possible. Take care of the baby, handle what needs to be done at home, and encourage your partner to enjoy some time for themselves. Support isn't only about helping when things get difficult; it's also about recognizing when someone needs a break.
4. Find a Routine That Works for Your Family
There isn't one perfect way to divide newborn care. Every family is different, and what works for one household might not work for another.
Maybe you take turns handling nighttime responsibilities. Maybe one parent feeds the baby while the other takes over afterward. Or maybe you need to try a few different approaches before finding a routine that feels manageable.
The important thing is to communicate and figure it out together.
You're both adjusting to a new chapter, and it can take time to find your rhythm. Give yourselves some grace as you learn what works best for your family.
5. What If You Don't Bond With Your Baby Right Away?
We often hear about that magical moment when a parent meets their baby and instantly falls in love. And while that can happen, it isn't everyone's experience.
During our conversation, Dr. Jmack shared that it took him longer than he feels comfortable admitting to develop a deep bond with his children. Today, he describes himself as madly in love with them.
I think it's important to make room for conversations like this because becoming a parent is a huge adjustment. You might need time to settle into your new role and get to know your baby.
If that instant connection doesn't happen for you, give yourself time. Bonding can be a process, and every parent's experience is different.
6. Make Time to Connect With Your Kids
Showing up as a parent goes beyond helping with feeds, changing diapers, or giving your partner a chance to rest. It's also about building your own relationship with your child.
Dr. Jmack shared how much he enjoys making music with his kids. It's a lovely reminder that connection can grow through spending time together and finding little things you enjoy doing as a family.
You don't need to plan elaborate activities or have every moment figured out. Being present, getting involved, and making time for your child are meaningful ways to build that relationship.
And just like everything else in parenting, it takes practice. Keep showing up and give yourself the opportunity to grow alongside your kids.
A Little Reminder for New Parents
The newborn stage comes with a lot of learning, adjusting, and figuring things out as you go. You're getting to know your baby, your partner is adjusting to their new role, and together, you're learning how to navigate this new version of family life.
My conversation with Dr. Jmack was a reminder that supporting your partner means more than simply offering help when you're asked. It's about sharing responsibilities, recognizing when your partner needs rest, and making room for both parents to build their relationship with their baby.
You don't have to be a perfect parent. Be present, keep learning, and remember that you're allowed to grow into this new chapter, too.
And to anyone recovering from birth: you deserve to be cared for, supported, and given room to rest, too.
